I don’t know if I speak for others, but when I hear the word “heal” three times a day fresh out of a relationship, it can be very triggering. It’s like an annoying buzzword that is used every time and never with any context.
But what does it even mean when people say heal? Well the word ‘heal’ means to cause a wound/injury/person to become sound or healthy again, and this definition can definitely be used in the context of a relationship too.
For me, I feel like healing is something that you do everyday, it’s not just something you do when you get your heartbroken after your 20th situationship. You heal from your childhood trauma, family issues, self-esteem issues, anything and everything that causes you emotional pain.
However, in the context of a relationship, I believe that to heal, is to be able to go about your life without thinking about the person who caused you pain. Being able to be confident and content in your loneliness, which will benefit you and your next relationship.
Now, when it comes to hearing “heal” the annoying thing for me is the lack of answers to the real questions.. Like, what does healing look like? How do I know I am healing? How long should healing take? Can I heal and date?
A few blogs back, I talked about being okay with your break up, and to be that is the first step in healing. But to be honest, healing looks and is different for everyone. For some, doing what I mentioned in that blog is more than enough and for others? Yikes, it takes a lot more.
It’s not a quick process and it’s not a pretty one either. You have to learn to love you for who, and where you are now.. not who you were when you were with your partner. It’s taking a step back and assessing where you are and being content with that.
Some people think that healing isn’t necessary, and instead of taking that time out, they go from one relationship to another and to another. And while in the moment, it’s probably fun and you feel great, all you’re doing is delaying the inevitable and creating a toxic cycle. Broken people tend to break people.
Now I can’t say I am completely healed and rearing to go, however, I can definitely say I have learnt a few things on this journey of ‘healing’. So I hope the few things below that I learnt while currently healing, help you on your path too..
1. It’s Okay to Let Go
A lot of us are used from jumping from one thing to the next, kind of like monkeys. And to be fair, sometimes it can be uncomfortable holding onto nothing, especially as the void in your life is more apparent then, but it is definitely needed. When I’m completely in that void of holding onto nothing, I find that I can look back on my experiences and learn from it and I can mend the parts of me that are broken.
2. Reset Your Habits
When talking to someone (or the one), there are certain things you get used to. Whether its that morning text or the late night phone call and when you break up, yeah it’s tough and can be a little confusing. You have to learn new habits to break the old ones. This takes discipline and a whole lot of patience with yourself, but it’ll come naturally to you.. eventually.
3. Distract Yourself
And I don’t mean with men or sex or binge eating in front of the tv. I mean with something meaningful, something that’ll love you back. For me, it was reading and creating content. For you, it could be exercise or starting a business – everyone’s is different. Be careful not to use this as a way to distract yourself from how you feel, because it’s okay to be sad.. but rather a distraction from them.
I really hope that on this journey of healing, you don’t give up because feeling whole again is undefeated (so I’ve heard). Remember to take time with yourself, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
“I will give you back your health and heal your wounds,” says the LORD. “For you are called an outcast— ‘Jerusalem for whom no one cares.’”