You see heartbreak? It’s no small thing. Like you can actually die from a broken heart.
Personally, I can’t come and kill myself (word to Burna Boy) but whew, getting your heartbroken sucks.. but getting your heartbroken during lockdown? Different kind of pain.
I know everyone deals and heals differently, but I can’t be the only one who feels that the heartbreak feeling is somehow enhanced by being bored in the house. With nothing to distract us, or keep your mind occupied, you probably think about the failed talking stages and relationships you’ve had and probably overthink every little thing (because same? lmao).
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with thinking about the good times and looking through the hundreds of memories you have together, but sis, it’s not helping. Dwelling in the past keeps you in the past and there’s nothing there for you.
There are so many processes to dealing with heartbreak, but sometimes it can be hard to know where to start. Hopefully, my few tips can help you (as they definitely helped me) learn to be okay with your heartbreak.
1. Accept it Happened
Let’s be honest, when your relationship first ends, it can be pretty hard to accept. Like really hard. However, to really deal with heartbreak in a healthy way, you have to accept that it has happened. A lot of the time we try and do things to change the other persons mind, including trying to change ourselves, our standards or even our morals. But you can’t and should never have to force things. You have to acknowledge and understand that unfortunately you have no control over what’s happened.. you only can control your reaction or what happens next.
2. Be Sad
There is a huge difference between being sad and feeling sorry for yourself but it’s okay to be sad. We’re a part of a culture where people expect you to just say “we move” and get on with it and beloved, that is not healthy. We all have moments of sadness and disappointment when a relationship doesn’t go to plan, and that’s okay. Allow yourself moments where you can be sad, where you can cry and be vulnerable.
This one is hard.. because it’s harder to forgive someone who isn’t sorry. However, as we’ve probably all heard “forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you”. And as cringe or repetitive that is, it’s true. To forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentment to someone/the offence and by forgiving the person who broke up with you (or even yourself for ending something that wasn’t for you) you take back the power they had over your emotions. When you finally let go of the anger that you have towards them, you’re in a much better place to move on.
4. Regain Your Power
I’ve mentioned control of your emotions a lot so far, but what does that mean? In a relationship we can often lose parts of our self because we’re used to being a version of our self when we’re around our other half. But with this (unwanted but needed) time at home, you’re able to actually understand who you are, what you want and more importantly what you don’t want. I mentioned in ‘Relationship Rambles II’ that before you get into a relationship you should be self-aware and that’s exactly how you regain your power.
5. Learn From it
You can learn something from everything in life, and the same goes for heartbreak. You can choose to look at your failed relationship in just a negative light and see it as a waste of time, or you can see it as a learning curve. You’ve learnt about yourself, your likes and dislikes, your feelings and more importantly your love languages. You’re able to get insight into you, which will enable you to have a better relationship with yourself as well as with whoever you end up with.
You may not see it now, but you’re stronger than you were yesterday and you will get through this period. Don’t overthink, or question your worth or even your looks because you are enough. You will come out better.
p.s. mute your ex and stop watching their account on a private browser after they blocked you – for your own good.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”