So, I can’t lie I really didn’t know what to write about this week. Leading up to today, I had lots of ideas (that definitely didn’t work) but as of Tuesday my mind went completely blank. But with Valentines Day so close, I decided to ramble on about relationships.
With two of my best friends celebrating 5-year anniversaries this year, my age mates ‘popping babies’ and getting engaged, you could see why someone in my position would want to be in a relationship. Yet, relationships aren’t as red roses and matching Arsenal shirts like everyone makes out. Especially when you see all those couples with their ‘relationship goals’ pictures (I still wonder who takes them), it’s hard to not want a relationship (on paper anyway).
Understandably everyone loves the idea of relationships, but people often forget the compromise, the time and effort that it takes to be in one. Plus, you have social pressures to do what everyone else is doing, going to eat where everyone on Instagram goes and of course ‘baecations’. Yet, you have to remember that we don’t know what people go through in order for us to like their pictures.
Now, I’m all for relationships, but I think there are some things everyone should consider and know before getting in to a relationship with someone. Like does your partner enhance you? Support you? Do they make you happy? Can you talk to them about things, good or bad? A relationship is meant to be like dating your best friend, someone you can be yourself with. You should grow together, laugh together, cry together and even pray together. Yet so many of you settle with people who don’t even have your best interest at heart. Don’t get it twisted, like I said relationships aren’t easy at all and you’ll probably have many silly arguments but that doesn’t mean you give up (unless your partner is far from understanding).
To be fair, I’m really in no position to preach to those in relationships because my longest relationship is definitely with my teddy. Nevertheless, I have five small tips to those single and searching and those ‘drunk in love’ which hopefully will help.
1. There’s NO Rush.
So often we (me included), rush the process instead of trusting it. Just because your age mates are doing things and stuff doesn’t mean it’s for you too. Anything that is meant for you will not pass you by, just learn to enjoy where you are right now and when the time is right, you’ll know.
2. Have Fun.
Make the most of the time you have, alone or with your partner. Go on dates (I’ll plug you on some fun places to go), try new things, make new memories – just live your best life. Life is way too short to depend on other people to make you happy.
3. Provide For Your Own Wellbeing.
Your partner is not, and shouldn’t be your bank (unless you’re Bobrisky). Your partner isn’t obliged to feed or finance you, and if that what you want out of a relationship then maybe it’s not for you? Being able to provide for yourself is as important as being able to buy your partner to odd gift here or there (boyfriends like gifts too), and it will definitely make your relationship more mutually satisfying.
4. (Learn How To) Listen.
According to my mum, I have ‘selective hearing’, but when you’re in a relationship your hearing cannot be selective. When you actually take time out to listen when your partner talks, it not only leads to better conversation, but better communication. Put your phone away, give eye contact, ask questions, give your undivided attention when your partner (or date) is speaking. It’s is one of the most important things you can do.
5. Have A Great Relationship With Yourself.
“how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” – Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey. It goes without saying that the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for the other relationships you build. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take time out for yourself, reflect, learn and grow.
Also, single or not, I recommend this love languages quiz. It’s real interesting and who knows, it could help you understand yourself, or your partner better.
I hope my rambling made some sense or at least got you thinking… and if you’re single and ready, forget your pride and shoot your shot (not with me). What have you got to lose?