#WhatsOnMyMind | 10 Things I’ve Left Behind with 25

25. a quarter century. twenty fine, as they say. maybe even officially aunty age? Either way, unless you live under a rock, or have never met me (btw, hello to my new readers!) you’ll know I turned 26 this year. and really and truly, I started this piece in 2023, to be released on my birthday – however, the ups and downs of that age surely kept me busy, but also allowed me to learn a lot and I left behind a whole lot.

See I’ve been looking forward to 25, and the year 2023, for ages.. like a good three years, because that new age/year had always felt like it will be different. I had so many expectations for what 25 would look like and the things I thought I’d achieve. but 2023 really showed me that faith without works is truly dead and it also reminded me that sometimes when you’re so set on what you want for yourself, you can almost miss the things God blessed you with instead. 

One thing that I have learned though, is that to have different, you have to move different – because how can you expect new results with the same methods? Now me? I want a DRASTIC different, from my mindset to my health. So that means there a things that I have to stop doing.

So, here are the 10 things I’ve left behind with 25.. things I am no longer doing in 2024.

1. Saying Yes (well, feeling bad for saying no)

I had a really really bad habit of saying yes to things whenever asked.. you know, the inconvenient request that really and truly someone else could do, but because you have capacity, you agree – even though you know you don’t want to do it. I was always willingly giving my time and complaining about it, but not feeling confident enough or respecting my own boundaries to just say no. 

It’s okay to say no sometimes, and doing so doesn’t make you a bad person. You are in control of the time you give and share with others, manage that time effectively.

2. Being Naive 

Sometimes in certain life situations, you just know.. what’s happening, where it’s going, how it’s going to end.. you just know. and yet, we do nothing? Like you’ve been in this situation before, you’ve seen the red flags before, your conscience is telling you ‘this ain’t it’, and yet you remain? Yeah, that naivety, and I want NO PARTS. Sometimes it really is what you think it is and I am leaning into my discernment more in 2024. You do yourself a disservice by remaining in a place that doesn’t serve you hoping for a change you know won’t come.

3. Poorly Enforcing Boundaries 

The same me that is always going on and on about boundaries on this very blog – used to be a poor enforcer of boundaries. I would say I don’t or won’t entertain certain experiences, behaviours or requests but then when faced with standing on said business? Yeah, I used to fail – a lot.. and then I would complain about it a lot.. but in reality, a close friend of mine said it best “they don’t have to respect your no, you have to – if you say no to something, and then turn up anyway you’re not respecting your own boundary”.. and they were so right.

So I’ve learned to better enforce my boundaries and stand on business with what I say I will, or won’t, entertain.

4. Being Passive 

I hate confrontation. Like, I don’t correct people when they say my name wrong, type hate confrontation. I used to just let things slide like.. a lot. But by not expressing myself, whether it’s a need or an opinion, I am doing a disservice to myself. Being assertive for yourself is important because in that moment you’re telling yourself that your opinion or need is valid. Communication is important with this and it means I’ve had to be slower to respond, and take the time to listen to understand before voicing how I may feel about a situation. 

It may not always work in my favour or get the outcome that I would have desired, however taking the risk (dramatic, because really I just don’t like embarrassment) and having my voice heard is important. 

5. Suffering in Silence

I’ve talked about being the strong friend before and while being in that role can be overwhelming, there are people who can help you when you need it.. the problem (if you’re anything like me) is, that I don’t like to ask for help. More-so, I don’t like to be fussy when it comes to receiving help. However last year showed me that it’s really not a crime to ask for help, and sometimes the help you need comes in forms you don’t expect. You’d be surprised at how many people you have in your corner.

6. Going With the Flow

I am tired of “going with the flow”.. “Seeing what happens”.. Who knows where it’ll go?” because YOU know.. and if you don’t know, and I don’t know – then why am I here? As young as we are and as spontaneous as life gets, now more than ever, for me, there is an absolute need for intention behind most, if not all, the actions I take and decisions I make. I am no longer just letting life happen to me and wondering how I got here, when I have the free will of my own life and choices. 

It can feel frightening to step away from what you thought you wanted because the intention is not there, however there is so much beauty in what can be achieved and explored when you allow yourself to stand by the boundaries and intentions you have. 

7. Letting People Take Me Out of My Character 

I’m not an angry person by nature.. although I do admit I get a tiny bit of road rage when I am driving.. but otherwise – not normally angry. But you see when I feel like I have been violated? The gloves are off and I can get real mean with what I say. However, that shouldn’t be the norm despite how I feel.. I’ve come to accept that there are better ways to express your emotion rather than just being mean or shutting down. 

If I say I am a patient or understanding person, that should be my character regardless of the situation I am being confronted with.. and, boy is it a challenge but it’s the right thing to do. 

8. Envying the Greener Grass (it’s green where you water it)

Like I said in the beginning of this blog, there are so many things I thought I would have or achieved by now.. and in reality, while I am still absolutely fine without said things or achievements, sometimes I find myself comparing myself to what I thought I should have been, or sometimes even against the life I dreamt for myself. But as I’ve said before – comparison is the thief of joy. I can either spend my time mourning what could have been or go all in with my energy and transform the reality I have. The Bible says faith without works is dead (James 2), and honestly I spent a lot of 2023 in delulu land thinking faith alone is enough but sometimes it’s not.

good things take time, but they also take work. 

9. Lying to Myself 

I guess you could say this is similar to being naive.. but in reality, I made it separate so I could stand on business to myself.. because I am no longer telling myself I can do that 45 minute drive in 25 minutes. Sometimes because of our experiences, we feel we know best and are doing what’s best, despite what the facts are showing us. Sometimes I can be so stuck in my ways and bad habits and because of that I lose out on so much – so no more!

10. Hard Life

Now I know my Instagram may give ‘soft life’ but don’t be fooled because I work very very hard.. almost too hard, to the point where I have faced burn out several times.. and I had to pause and ask myself why I am working myself to exhaustion people pleasing and saying yes to things I don’t want to do and making my life unnecessarily hard.  I have a capacity and by making people more aware of it and standing on business with my boundaries, I am able to allow myself to have softer life.

As I sat writing this, I couldn’t help but notice the themes in the things I have left behind and how bad habits and being stuck in my way can leave me stuck in more way than one. Honestly I could go on and on about the musings I have and lessons I learn (and I just might in an email newsletter).. but I hope this resonated with you in some way, and hopefully you can identify somethings that you’re no longer doing in 2024. 

love,

S♡

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”
1 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT)

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